Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Ooooh Life

So I am still sick.  I am soooo over it.  We went to Pasadena last weekend to visit some family who was down for business.  Stayed in a sweet hotel that had awesome breakfast, and an indoor fish pond that the kids, especially Ezra, were obsessed with.  We didn't really do much except eat, which is fine by me.  We ate at Red Lobster one night and I got the best crab crusted talapia.  Omg It was soo delicious.  I also had some clam chowder and biscuits, which really not alot can beat that.  However someone there had this cold that I now have an cannot get rid of.  I started to get a sore throat on the last day and by the time we got home I had a sore throat, stuffy nose, my sinusis were killing me and I have a cough that wont quit.  It had knocked me on my fricken butt for the last week!  My house is a complete disaster which is so annoying cause I had it so nice there for a while.  Now its going to take a months worth of non stop action to get it back together.  I just feel like all my energy has been sucked from my body, and given to my children.  lol
I accidently fell asleep the other day and when I woke up there was chocolate sauce covering my kitchen floor...My kitchen is I would guess about 12 to 14 feet....covered, no more like SMEARED in hersheys syrup.  Of course the kids were covered in it to from head to toe.  I threw them outside and hosed them off then made them stay out while I went to clean up the floor.  I went to get the mop and then discovered my purse and all of its contents dumped out under the kitchen table, and all of my make up had been used as paint...on the floor and the walls and in the bathroom.  They had gotten mascara in the carpet as well.  I wanted to sit down and cry for like an hour but the stupid chocolate sauce had started to dry so I had to be quick.  I had to mop like five times after the initial wipe down.  The make up was a bit more difficult, and almost a week later I am still finding smears of it behind doors and on the walls.  I had to just wipe it as well as I could and what remains will just have to be painted over.  That was fricken when they got the spaghetti noodles I was going to make for dinner off the counter and spilled it all over, I was livid.  I spanked them and told them to go sit on the couch,  of course I didn't know they have both shoved noodles down their shirts.  So when I went into the living room and saw angel hair spaghetti sticking up all over I completely lost it.  And much like the make up mess, I am still vacuuming up angel hair.  The moral of the story is, don't get sick, and definitely never ever take naps unless your kids are securely locked in cages.
The rest of the week has been normal, it's super hot so the kids dont spend alot of time outside unless the sprinklers are on.  I don't leave the house without Ryan unless I absolutely have to, and since we just went grocery shopping two days ago I will be home for the next three weeks :)  I don't care honestly, I love my house.  I just wish it was a little...cleaner.
Wow. I just had to go read my own blog from last week to see if I was mixing my days up again...

Let's jump right into it. I don't know how this is going to work. I could swear I just make him more unhappy like 70 percent of the time. I do the slightest thing slightly wrong, and you'd think I burnt the house down. I KNOW I am NOT the world's biggest fuck-up. But some time's I feel like I am. It's getting ridiculous. I hate enough of life I don't need to hate myself.

It's been so miserably hot lately I can't get the energy to do anything. I lay around with fans blowing on me feeling like a worthless bum. Um, disgusting news. I'm pretty sure I've sweat more this summer than any summer of my life. I'm wondering if it's because of one of these random drugs they've put me on. The Doctor's seem to love switching my meds as often as they can.

I can't sleep at night. Like at all. I lay there and toss and turn and some time's cry till morning when I finally catch a few hours. But in the evening's Im exhausted! And when I'm trying to work that's a huge pain in my ass. Speaking of. Me and two other girls from the bar got picked to go be "Ring Girls" for some cage fight's that were being held downtown. It was a long night but it was lot's of fun. Even when we had to side step blood in the ring... Watching the fight's was my favorite part though. But we did a lot of promotions for the bar and passed out over 250 free passes.

Well I would love to tell you more. Unfortunately I cannot. So I'm going to go try and take a nap. Or shower. Both are much needed.
I got my hair done last Wednesday, it was extremely black. Iv gotten in the shower everyday since then and every time I wash and rinse my hair (which is sometimes 3 times per shower!) it runs and runs with dark black water, well its Monday now and my hair is dark brown….I like it much better dark brown but I think I could probably complain and get my money back...hmm I might just do that.

I got a job, sort of =) I went to an open call for a modeling agency, just for fun, not really thinking anything would come of it. Well they want me! So August 14th I have a workshop, which is basically paper work, and some makeup, runway, posing classes. I’m actually super excited about it! They had a book of some of their models at the audition and they were in a lot of big and popular magazines and commercials. Maybe this is my big break!!! I hope it doesn’t turn out to be a scam =/ but so far it doesn’t seem that way at all! So since I got my acceptance letter from this agency iv been working out extra hard and actually paying attention to what I eat and how much I eat! I feel much better already, I don’t think I’m fat but I could definitely be more toned.
Well its Jesse’s birthday today, July 26th, and he is twenty-eight! HOLY CRAP! Ha-ha its still so weird to think about our age difference sometimes, but I don’t mind at all. His friends give him a hard time about it everyday! And they are always asking me questions about it, like….what are you thinking? And why? And what do your parents think about this? Hahaha, Its so funny to hear them talk about it and just be so blown away by it all, come on, 8 years is not that big of a deal! So I still don’t know what I’m going to get him! He gets home at 2 and then I’m off to town to find him some sort of gift…..its probably going to end up being like, candy.
Over-all I had a good week, this weekend was a little, well a lot, different than Id hoped it be. But its over and its time to move on and start with a fresh, new week. Hopefully ill actually get things done this week!

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Slug bug

I'm sick.

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn, that's alright because I like the way it hurts. Just gonna stand there and hear me cry, that's alright because I love the way you lie."

That's just a line from a new Eminem song. But every time I hear it I relate a little better.
But we'll get to that later. Mostly... Just the same shit, different day. Everything blurs together and I usually don't even know what day of the week it is unless I look at the calender. I went grocery shopping on Thursday... I think. That was fun. Saturday I worked a backlot beach party. Yeah a beach party in the back parking lot of the bar. There was a 40 foot water slide, dunk tank, volley ball, live bands and lots to drink. I worked 15 hours but it really wasn't that bad because I drank the whole time:) I didn't make half as much as I would have liked but it was a fun long day.
As for my home life. We fight. And we make up. And we fight again. And make up again. It's getting very, very old. This weeks two day fight came closer to ending us than anything ever has. We love each other to much to walk away. Even though we aren't exactly making each other happy. I'm giving it one more month. And I may have said that before. But I want some changes. So does he. And neither of us want to waste anymore time if all were doing is well, wasting time. I can't handle to much more. And that's for damn sure. One more fight like this last one and I will walk away. I don't want the last 4 years to be a waste. But if I'm not going to get what I want then I DEFINITELY don't want to drag it on any longer. So we shall see what happens. I'm going to do my part to the fullest. I can only pray he does his.


What a week! A long, long, long, week! Still with out a car I try to keep myself occupied at home. I finally got a hula-hoop, so I have something to do outside instead of just stand there and let the sprinklers cool me down. I've been keeping the house perfectly clean and making sure the laundry is always done! Jesse loves it of course, his friends come over and he brags about it ha ha, it makes me feel appreciated.

Jesse is now in the middle of his training so we don’t get to spend much time together during the week, he’s gone during the day, studying in the evening and usually in bed by 8 or 9. By the time the weekend comes around we are both SO happy. We had such a good weekend too, we went to the drive-in to the see “Inception”, it was confusing…I’m sure it was a lot more confusing for Jesse due to the fact that he fell asleep mid-movie ha ha! He has been working so hard and doing so good, he only gets about 5-6 hours of sleep every night, and he’s on the go all day everyday, so a little nap during a movie is perfectly acceptable.
I’m getting really good with cooking breakfast foods, seriously, I am a pancake expert! I also made a cake this week which I am very proud of! It was of course from a box because I don’t do the whole “home made” crap yet. It was chocolate devils food cake, but I was feeling creative so I added in a few table spoons of Peanut Butter and some caramel coffee creamer, I had white frosting but I separated it and made ¾ of it into chocolate frosting and used the remaining frosting to decorate my cake with! It was glorious, and delicious too!
Iv still been trying to decide about school! I know Im going for sure, but I still don’t know why! I hate not knowing, I like to have a plan and follow it, without a plan I am lost, and so confused! I guess I should just stay calm and go with the flow, its gotten me this far and I LOVE my life, so I guess I really have nothing to worry about.
Oh yeah! We went to a moving sale on Saturday and got everything we could possibly need for a weekend at the beach! Now all we have to do is go! I cant wait, I think were going either this weekend or next, I love the beach =)
Jesse’s birthday is coming up and I am still seriously clueless on what to do and what to get him and everything! So really…please help me. Im thinking we should just go out because Im to scared to try and make something different because I usually fail at my first time cooking attempts. Im usually good at this stuff, but for some reason nothing to coming to mind. Am I running out of good ideas?….what’s happening to me! Maybe its just a phase...I hope!
We went to a briefing on Wednesday that just explained everything that’s going to happen while we are here and gave us a time line for all the phases of training and such. We also got a list of all the possible stations we could be headed to next! They told us to sit down and choose our top 3 for each aircraft, because Jesse doesn’t know which helicopter he is going to fly we have to keep out options opened, there are different stations for each helicopter. There are 3 different helicopters so that gives us 9 choices of places to go! Its tuff! But fun at the same time.
Sometimes this whole being married thing really hits me and I realize that we are going to be together forever, and do everything together, go everywhere together, it’s a really cool feeling and it makes me so excited to see what the future holds for us.

Monday, July 12, 2010

Housemaid wanted.


Im having a rough day so Im not sure how this post will translate.  I haven't had a shower in two days, Amelia just opened all my outgoing mail and tore up the checks inside them, Ezra tore a cupboard door completely off, and Ivy refuses to nap. 
I guess I will start by explaining the reason we didn't post last week was cause my computer was down and Naomi is sooooo busy with her life that she couldn't get on and post her and Leah's.  Thanks Pal!

Anyway, so the kids and I loved having Andrew here.  An extra set of eyes, ears, and hands is AWESOME.  Some friends we have not seen in years drove down to see Andrew while he was here which was so awesome and exciting.  We also got to go see Eclipse, which was so fricken amazing.  Anyway, it seemed at first like he would be here for a long time, than all of a sudden it was time for him to go and I couldn't believe how quick it seemed.  The kids bawled when we had to drop him off at the airport and ran straight into the office where he slept when we got home and cried some more.  So sad :(  It has seemed super lonely now that It's just us again.  Granted Andrew is not the biggest conversationalist but you dont always have to be talking to keep someone company.  It was actually not super duper hot while he was here!  It was in the 100's, but I dont think it got past 110.  It's supposed to be 114 for three days this week.  That's just too hot.

Not much is going on as far as outside of life in general.  The next thing to really look forward to is Ezra and Ivys birthdays coming up and those are still kinda far off.  I have been trying to really keep up on the house but it honestly seems like the harder I try to keep things nice the more the kids try to tear everything apart.
I am beyond frustrated and felt pretty defeated for a while.  Now I am just kinda chugging along, cause what else can I do.  Ryan has been helping me so much, even though hes not a super difficult shift and is not getting alot of sleep.  He's a really amazing man and the best friend I have ever had.  Little Ivy is really starting to adore him and squeals everytime she see's him. 
I really wonder how the rest of the year is going to turn out.  It's never like you think.
And no one, no matter what they think, understands.  No one understands and It's so irritating that they think they do.  If I had a dollar for everytime someone has told me they have "been there".....nope sorry you haven't...your kids are 2 years apart...and you have friends and family have never....ever...been here.  The other one I love is "It's just a season of life"....there's nothing that makes me want to swear more than retarded people saying cliche obvious statements like that.  Of fricken course it is stupid...but that doesn't make it suck any less.  I'm just tired. 

We went to church Wednesday night.  I love this church.  They are so loving and the teaching is exactly that, teaching!  There are waaaay to many preachers out there and not enough teachers.  The ladies in the nursery are always great and the kids love being in there.  Amelia always come out with some little paper or craft she made and talks about singing about Jesus.  It's such a nice change from just reading at home when I get the chance or even remember to!

So a couple of weeks ago I mentioned everyone should come out here for Thanksgiving...I dont think anyone has even thought about it :)  Well Im pretty determined to get my mom and the kids out here so they're all going to be pretty sore when they dont have a thanksgiving dinner cause they didn't plan ahead and come out.  It really irritates me.  It could be totally awesome and fun if they would just consider it and maybe plan for it. 

So obviously Im just a really pissed off annoyed individual right now...but omg my kids are driving me nuts.
So thats all I will post today.. Im thinking of trying to write throughout the week instead of just doing a weeks summary at the end of the week.  We'll see how that goes :)
I am soooo unpersonal... At least that's what I was accused of when I sent in my blog for this week. Luckily I get another chance. So here we go.

This week sucked. Like every day. I spent as much time at my friends house as I could. And that turned around and bit me in the ass. Because now of course I am being accused of sleeping around. But pretty much any time I want to do anything but sit on the couch all night long I get accused of being out sucking dick. Hows that for personal? I've come to the conclusion that since he cheated on me in the beginning of our relationship, he's NEVER going to trust that I wont turn around and do it to him. And just because he doesn't like people means I'm not supposed to either!
He doesn't want me to have friends and go out and have fun. He just wants me home all the time. But at the same time. He has no desire to give me what I want if I am going to stay home! I'd be perfectly happy being a stay at home wife and mother. But a stay at home girlfriend is rediculious. I can't just sit around this house all day alone. It's miserable. I am so ready to be a Mother. And he just keeps pushing the day further and further away. He's got his son. What does it matter to him? Our wants are just so different. I don't feel like I make him happy anymore. But maybe that's because I'm not happy.
In other news. Both my dryer and my dishwasher decided to die this week. So I got to do dishes by hand AND hang clothes on a make shift clothes line. So much fun....
I hung out with my brother Daniel twice this week. Which is awesome. And I really like this girl he's with. He took Mom and I out to dinner the other night. Fajitas and Margaritas! Cant get much better than that. Then Mom and I went to Khols and hit the sales racks:) It was amazing. That was definitely the best night this week.
That's the best I can do. I'll try harder next time. I'm emotionally drained and really am not ready to talk about it yet!


So last week was nothing special during the week, but it was 4th of July weekend! Saturday we went shopping to try to find some good holiday deals, yeah it didn’t go too well, but Sunday was fun! We had some friends over, did fireworks in the drive way and just hung out and had fun!!!
Jesse is actually in school now so he is gone everyday pretty much all day, then when he gets home he has to study! So im doing things to try to keep myself busy. Its so weird how different things are when you are doing them yourself and not just watching someone else do them. For instance. I thought I knew how to do dishes, cook, what food to freeze, refrigerate, ect. Well it turns out im not too good at of it. I was out of dishwashing soap the other week but the dishes HAD to be done, so instead of just doing them by hand, I decided to be lazy and do them in the dishwasher anyways. I put the dish soap in the dishwasher detergent spot and started it up. I came back later to put away my clean dishes…….well they were clean…but my kitchen was not. It was COVERED in guessed it! BUBBLES….yeah, Im a little slow.
Also, last week I went grocery shopping got lots of new and different things, I put everything in the fridge where I thought it belonged…well a few days later something smelled a little fishy….I opened the fridge to see what it was, but it wasn’t just one thing, It was the hamburger, steak, and ham that I put in the bottom of the fridge, It looked different than it did when I first bought it, I did what I always do and went straight to Google the situation, well it turns out meat can only be in the fridge for 1-3 days…not that was a lot of food and money wasted. Oh the joys of being a new housewife….a lot of learning that’s for sure!
Last night we decided to change it up and switch sides of the bed haha, it was just a joke at first but we actually fell asleep that way, it was so weird, I slept better on his side of the bed then I have the whole time we have been here!
We went to church this morning, it was fun! I really like out church. After church it was major house cleaning time! After cleaning I headed to the store again to get some stuff for Jesse to take in his lunch J
Oh yeah…. I got pulled over today, I only got a warning...but STILL! It was my first time and I was terrified, good thing I looked good today J
Life is pretty interesting right now, I never thought it would turn out this way, but I am happy and thankful for all that I have.

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

I guess its Summertime....

So somehow the beginning of my blog got if it shows up in the middle of Naomi's post..just ignore it.  This week has been pretty slow, but no where near as boring as last week.  My little brother, Andrew, got here in Thursday so that has been fun.  I'm kinda worried he's super bored but maybe he needs to just relaxe for a bit before jumping head first into college and sports and girls again?  The kids LOVE him and do not leave him to himself for a second.  It's so nice to have a little help around here, even if it's just holding a baby while I vacuum, it makes such a big difference!  My cousin came over to visit for a bit and we bbq'd and hung out.  He's a fun kid so that was nice too.  Ryan's weekend was pretty slow but relaxing.  We went to breakfast, which is one of my favorite things to do EVER!  I hate cooking breakfast, but love eating it.  After eating we went grocery shopping.Well this week was definitely a step up from last week!  My little brother, Andrew, got here on Thursday and   I can't remember when we needed to grocery shop so badly!  We know have a house full of food which is AWESOME except for the kids getting into the cupboards and thinking they can just rip open boxes and eat the contents without consent or care! 
I took Andrew to the mall yesterday to get the family some See's Candy, which is pretty coveted in MI since there aren't any stores out there.  I love going in to See's.  You almost get knocked out by a powerful whif of  chocolate in the air as soon as you walk through the entrance, and they always greet you with samples of some sort of decadent chocolate truffle.  Amazing.  Of course we bought a little bag of assorted chocolates to snack on through the rest of the mall.  I got a lemon truffle and Andrew got a coconut truffle. 
We let the kids ride on the choo-choo train which they ALWAYS ask to go on and I never have time to let them.  Amelia loved it and waved and smiled the whole time, Ezra bawled as soon as it started moving.
We were only there for about 2 hours but it seemed like an all day excursion by the time we got everyone out and into their carseats.
Speakinf of cars....WE'RE GETTING A NEW ONE!  I'm so excited :)  I cannot wait to have a car that we can all fit in comfortably instead of like a can of sardines.  That is an old saying right?  Ah well I dunno, but yeah it's going to be fun.  Anyway, not much more is going on, I kinda like slow lazy weeks like this, with little bits of excitment here and there.  It's not as tiring as full on exciting excitment, and not as boring as the nothingness of last week.  Lets hope for another week like this one!
Woot woot. It was Birthday week:) Monday was boring. But Tuesday I was so busy preparing and planning and that night I went into the bar and collected some birthday money and that was fun.

We got up way early Wednesday morning, rolled up a couple and took off. It was about a two and a half hour drive and the first hour was the worst driving experience I've ever had! It rained so damn hard I couldn't see my own lights. I was more scared driving than I was later on any of the coasters!
I had an INCREDIBLE time at Michigans Adventure! I went on almost everything and some things twice. But what I was not prepared for was..... My boyfriends a Pussy!! He was to scared to go on any of the coasters with me and wouldn't even go on the big water slides. LMFAO!! I had fun regardless and not gonna lie laughed at him a lot. Going on roller coasters alone is a little more nerve wracking though..
On the way home he took my to one of my all time favorite place's (that I actually used to work at) Buffalo Wild Wings.
It was so cool to go back and see all the changes. The food was still awesome too!! LOVE me some fried spicy shit.
As for the days since my birthday... Kinda stressful. I really need to be able to work full time again. Were strugglin with money all the time and while I can deal with it, Ryan can't. He hates being even a little poor. And when he's unhappy he makes sure I am too.
Not cool. And I'm feeling more and more like I'm never going to get what I'm looking for in this relationship. If I'm not going to get what I want I'm tired of wasting my time... I love him. But some times love's just not enough.
Another week of being a stay at home house wife. Its fun, iv never had my very own house to take care of before. But once I clean it, it stays clean…which is weird for me, im used to living with at least 7+ people, not just one!

Jesse started school this week, which means im home alone a lot more! Which means I get to practice my singing more! He wants me to go to American Idol try-outs on July 17th, iv been thinking about it a lot, and I think; hmm that would be fun, then I think NO WAY, but I think ill regret it if I don’t go, so hopefully everything goes smooth and im not forever known as “the girl who sucks at singing” for the rest of my life. To be honest, I just want to go so I can meet Ryan Secret J haha.
So we got rid of Jessica this week (our kitten) because “she” was pooping all over our brand new house! And the next day after she was gone, low and behold…THERE WAS STILL POOP EVERYWHERE. Frickin Mike Newton…..
Jesse and I have been communicating really well this week, we’ve been talking about a lot of things, and planning a lot of things for the near and far future. We finally made it to church this Sunday, which was good! I don’t think either of us have gone in over a month before that. I really like the church we found, its small, but not too small and everyone is so nice.
I cant wait for this weekend, Friday night were going to see Eclipse! Then Saturday I think were going to try to make it down to Florida again for some more beach time and fireworks! Then Sunday is my 2nd favorite holiday of the year!!! We were planning on having a big cookout and having all our friends over, but we cancelled today, we realized we weren’t ready for that! We have zero patio furniture and still haven’t found a good deal on a grille, so I guess we will have to find something fun to do on Sunday as well.

(Note from Rachel-Naomi's post has been edited to be the color "cat poop brown" for proper effect)

Monday, June 21, 2010

Most boring week ever....

This week was SOOOOOOOO boring.  I have like, nothing to write about.  Um, I mopped the floor.  Fun.
Ryan worked late alot.  It's getting pretty hot but nothing unbearable yet.  Low 100's, high 90's.
Um........I'm kinda in a rut.  I feel so motivated and inspired...but cleaning the house and my other normal chores dont satisfy the longing feeling I have.  I don't know what to do.  It's not a feeling of discontentment or anything.  I'm happier now then I have been in years!  It's more like...I feel like Im waiting for something, like Christmas?  Or like I should be planning something.  Fullfilment, thats what Im looking for. 
I dont really know.  I guess Im just bored.  Ive been stressing about alot of things lately too, which is not normal for me.  Things dont usually keep my up at night, but the last few days I have had a hard time falling to sleep cause there is so much on my mind.  I keep thinking, and have thought for so long that when Ivy turns one things will be so much easier, and now that were almost there Im not so sure I was correct!  I really hope so though.  I feel great lately.  I'm working out and trying to get some muscle back in my body.
I have energy and dont take that for granted EVER.  I love running up the stairs and everytime I do I think about how I couldn't do that when I was pregnant. 
Anyway, thats really all thats going on in my life, sadly.  I'll see ya next week.
Um, what happened this week? Nothing special I guess. Really I feel like all I do anymore is clean, cook, sleep, work, and lately I've been hanging out with my friend Shannon and her kids.

Funny Story. Shannon is Ryan's ex-girlfriend from like 8 years ago. I always thought I'd hate her. But we met at a party almost 2 months ago and I feel like we've talked every day since. She is with out a doubt the best friend I have right now and I don't know what I'd do without her. It has been so long since I had an actual day to day girlfriend who is there for me to talk to and turn to and just simply chill with. It's so good for me. Being alone all the time was getting to be too much... ♥
It's ALMOST my birthday!! I cannot wait=) Ryan is taking me to Michigan's Adventure and I fully plan on having more fun than any kid there. I'm hoping the day off and whatnot will be good for us. Funny that I'm almost as excited about the drive there as I am about going!
It's been so hot I just hope it keep's up so I can play in the water park!
I just want to talk about next week... I apologize for the short, boring blog...
Well, nothing special this week, pretty boring actually. I made brownies, and cookies…and dinners. I cook a lot lately. Cook, clean, lay outside and shop- that’s my life. I need a job, or a friend or something. I love Jesse but he’s not always going to be here, and I need someone to talk to about him, and girl stuff.
 I met a girl today, her and her husband have been married for 2 weeks, and Jesse and I for 3, so were pretty much in the same situation. We exchanged numbers and we are going to become pool buddies! I’m excited for that.
Jesse starts school in one week! That means I’m going to be home alone and bored A LOT pretty soon. Especially because I don’t have a car yet :/ I really need one of those. I love love love my house though and I enjoy cleaning it and setting everything up and making it look nice. But it feels pretty pointless sometimes, its just Jesse and I, so no one even gets to see how nice I make it!
I cant believe Im even married, it sometimes doesn’t even feel like I am. Not in a bad way, but this is NOTHING like I imagined marriage to be. Haha, I love my husband and my life, I just always pictured it being different that what it is. I think some of it is the age difference, usually people get married, buy a house together, support each other, and build a life together. Jesse already had everything and he just sort of brought me into it. I’m NOT complaining, its wonderful. Its just something im going to have to get used to I suppose. It sometimes feels like im his spoiled little daughter or something, haha its funny but just weird sometimes. It feels weird not having to do anything, not having any responsibility or ….anything! I mean yes, I clean up and cook. But he always helps me, he takes care of things too. He’s so used to living alone I think its weird for him to have someone do the chores for him. So we do them together most of the time.
Oh yeah! I went to Victoria’s Secret semi-annual sale, it was amazing. I could have spent the whole day in there! I want to go back before it ends!!!!! I got 2 new bras, shampoo and conditioner, body wash, lotions, sprays, and make up. All the good undies were gone :/
We saved 2 kittens from the pound on Thursday;  Mike Newton and Jessica, they like to poop in daddy’s office. HAHAHA. Well, that’s about it.

Monday, June 14, 2010


This week has been pretty crazy. We had plans to go to San Diego with the kids for Ryans weekend, which was Thurs/fri. I dont even remember Monday or Tuesday, but Wednesday evening Ryan started to complain of some lower back pain. By that night he was curled up unable to move. I have NEVER seen Ryan react to pain this way. I made him take some vicodin and ibuprofen and he was able to sleep. He went to work the next day only to have the same thing happen. I pretty much forced him to go to the ER after work, where they just gave him some drugs and sent him home...after 5 hours. I pretty much thought the SD trip was cancelled since he didn't get home til 10:30, but he insisted we still go! So carried the sleeping kids from their beds to their carseats, threw some stuff in the trunk and we were on our way! We made pretty good time and soon we walked into our hotel room, only to find they had given us ONE queen sized bed. HAHA! I went back down and asked for another room and the man was so incredibly rude and told me he didn't have ANY other rooms and even if we didn't end up staying they had a cancellation fee. I went upstairs and Ryan went down and when he came back up we had another room. Imagine that. What a jerk though....we're a family of FIVE! Come on man! So we got to bed around 2:00-2:30ish and of course Ezra was up by like 6:00am :)

We all got up and got showered packed up our things and set out for breakfast. After a smoothie and bagels we went to the aquarium! The kids had sooo much fun! They especially loved "Nemo" and Amelia insisted that he said hi to her. They had a whole display of Sea Horses that was so amazing! They also really liked the case of jelly fish. We spent about two hours walking through everything and then we drove to a huge outdoor mall in the Gaslamp district of San Diego. Ryan and I know our way around pretty well now, since this is one of our favorite date places.
We started at the top floor of the five floor building and ate tacos while Amelia threw chips to the birds, trying to catch them.
Then we went to the Elevator and went to 1st floor where Amelia found a candy store and got to walk through with a little bag picking out whatever she wanted. Ezra slept in the stroller almost the whole time :) then we walked through some kids clothes stores and got a few little cute things. After walking around for 2 or 3 hours we got back into the car and drove to Laguna to go to the beach. Its such an awesome drive and there are some of the most beautiful beach houses. We found an amazing little cupcake store on the way and by this time Amelia was asleep and Ezra was awake. So we went inside and bought 3 little cupcakes and shared them. It took a while to find a beach we liked, but we finally did. The beach was so nice and the kids had a blast! They refused to go in the water but they did let it touch their feet a little. They dug in the sand and built a sand castle with daddy and we even got to see dolphins! I was so overly excited about that! Finally the tide started to come in and it was getting chilly so we packed up and left. It was such a fun day and Im so glad Ryan was able to take us. Hes still suffereing from whatever is wrong with his back, I need to make him appointments with specialists today :( I feel so so bad for him. Anyway, another day at a time.


Um, well the main thing this week... Was my tooth ache. And ear ache. Like every day. I think I'd rather go through labor pains. I finally got into the Doctors and am on anti-biotics and some funky spray. Getting a little better. Not so excited about getting another tooth pulled tomorrow but at least it wont be able to hurt me anymore.

Jake came over on Monday. That was just as fun as usual. Maybe even better. He's finally moved on from the "Cars" movie to "Toy story 2" So we got to watch that 3 times. He's very excited about toy story 3 and told me he's going to watch it in 3D!

He's going to start spending the night soon and I'm very excited about that. I cant wait to have him a couple days a week. I hate being alone all the time while Ryan's at work.

I'm really thinking about going to school for cosmetology. I almost don't want to because I feel like I'm giving in when it's not what I really want. But since I don't have to much of a chance right to now of getting what I really want.... What else am I gonna do?

It's so hard for me. I don't really have any friend's left who don't have kids or aren't pregnant! And I feel like I want it more than any one. And I'm the only one not getting it. I try to enjoy my friend's children and be happy for them. But it's hard. It seems like every day I have to deal with some thing new. I'm almost 23 and I'm not anywhere close to where I wanted to be by this age. I'm so tired of feeling left out.

I also hate feeling unappreciated. By my family.... I feel like I have tried my hardest to help my family in every way possible this last year. From when my mom was in California.... To Christmas. Naomi's Wedding! I did everything I could to help. Physically, emotionally, financially... And I don't feel like any of it matters. And it hurts. But Ive been so scared to say anything because I don't want to hurt anyone else' feelings.

And... By Ryan. I try so hard to do everything around here. And work. And not get sick. And take care of him. But does any of it matter? There's always something else. Always something dirty. Something I didn't do. I just feel like I'm never good enough.

Well that's enough of a pity party for now. Don't mind me. Just a bad week.

I thought my knew life and complete change in schedule was going to be hard to get used to, but really its not…at all. We get up at 5am, which sounds awful but its really not considering we go to be at 9 or 10 every night. I was never a real morning person until now. Jesse leaves at ten after 5 to go to physical training for a couple hours and I stay home, clean up, wake up a little, make breakfast and coffee if Im feeling good and get a really good start to my day.

I love my life, my husband and my new home! Especially my husband, he was outside working on the yard on Wednesday and I was inside bored. I am usually outside either helping him or trying to get a tan but sometimes it is just WAY to hot. I’m from Michigan, warm weather confuses me. He came in for a drink, noticed I was bored and handed me a shiny blue card with my new name on it and sent me out for some shopping. Yes, I have the best husband ever. After three hours, my arms were getting tired of lugging around 6 full bags of new clothes, shoes, make-up and accessories, so I decided to call it a day, a very very good day.

The weekend rolled around and we decided to take a mini vacation, we packed up and left Saturday morning for Florida! We got to our beautiful hotel with an amazing view of the ocean at around noon, got into our bathing suits and spent the day on the beach. We bought floaties and he picked up some goggles so he could try to catch fish or crabs or something…I know he’s kind of socially retarded and weird, but he’s my husband so please just be nice to him. I laid on my floating bed while he pulled me around the ocean, searching for sea creatures to capture. After a few hours we went back into our room, showered and got ready for a night on the town We rented a HILARIOUS little scooter type vehicle and cruised the gorgeous streets along the beach. We found an amazing outlet mall, ate smoothies, and walked around the shops for hours. It was so far, my best memory of my married life. And last but not least, we of course had to try and be romantic and walk the shore line at night. My favorite part of our mini vacation is when he mention that we should do it again soon!! Whoohoo!
I have everything iv ever wanted; a wonderful husband, a beautiful home, fresh pineapple in the fridge and a Jacuzzi bath tub.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

New Beginnings

Wow its been a long time. It just seemed like way to much was going on to try and keep up with these last few months, but now theres so much to catch up on!! Im sure your going to be hearing a ton about a certain event, so Im just going to say it was so so much fun and I am pretty sure I enjoyed it more then Naomi! It was a daunting task flying to MI with all three babies. Amelia did fantstic and Ivy did very well, Ezra though....poor little boy....he just didn't like it. The return flights were way worse then the first ones. I dont want to fly for a while after that.

We were pretty busy the whole time with wedding stuff. The unofficial bachelorette party was so much fun, and much needed for all of us involved I think. The Rehearsal dinner was fun too :) Then finally the big day! I loved my hair. *sigh*
I really didn't think Amelia was going to cooperate, especially after having to practically force her into her dress! In the end she did so great and stood up there like such a big girl. The reception was so fun and I wish Naomi had enjoyed it more then she appeared too. I got to see alot of people I hadn't seen in YEARS. After all the wedding stuff was over it was kinda hard to not feel the sadness in the house. Sunday morning we went to breakfast then took the kids to the zoo with some friends, spent all day there and then went back home for pizza. Monday we took them to the memorial day parade that I used to ride my horse in. That was alot of for me just for reminiscent sake. They liked it and I even think Ryan enjoyed it in a weird way :) Later that day Ryan took the boys to see Iron Man 2, and mom and Esther, the kids, Annie and I all went to do a little shopping. We met the boys and Joey and Leah at Steak n Sheak for dinner. Tuesday was hard, time to leave again and not know when we will be back. :( I know we'll see everyone soon, but theres just something about being "home" that relaxes me more then anything. The kids loved playing out in the big country and Amelia bawled when we had to leave. She kept asking if Grandma was on the plane with us. Poor baby girl.
Other than the whole wedding shebang the last few months have been a blur.
The things that stick out the most to me, or have effected my life in any way are far to personal to blog about on even the most private of blogs. I'll just say this, it is beyond crazy how the things that you think are going to be the end of you actually turn out being a new beginning.
I feel more happy now than I have in literally years. We found a church a few months back and though we dont always make it, we LOVE going. The kids are loving it too surprisingly. Ezra has a rought first few minutes when we drop him off but the ladies who work there are so so sweet and always win him over :)
In April, Amelia had her 3rd birthday! She is getting so tall and beautiful, but she is still just teeny tiny. We had a birthday party for her and she had the best time of her life and Im certain will always remember it. She had a bounce house and a princess cake and a unicorn pinata. She's such a smart sweet little girl.

Ryan and I finally got wedding bands! They are both beautiful and couldn't have come at a better time. I'm actually really glad we got them when we did rather then have had them our whole marriage. It made me feel renewed kind of :)
I have such a brighter more positive outlook on life right now, its hopeful and exciting. The kids are all growing so much and getting to be so fun.
Ryan and I are able to do things together again. I missed him so much these last few years. I know he was with me the whole time, but being pregnant all the time and always having tiny babies is so stressful! I eppreciate everything he does for me and our little family. Everyday is exciting and our adventure it just beginning!


Catch up? Let's see we left off at Christmas right? Well where do I start?

Lets just skip January and February. They were boring. The only good thing was I didn't get sick either month. Valentines day was normal. By normal I mean a disappointment.
But March! In March my darling little sister got engaged. And so the stress started! Pulling the perfect wedding together in less than three months is harder than you think. Somewhere in the middle of it I managed to fall down some stairs and fracture a vertebrate in my back, landing me in the hospital for a couple days. Not long after that I got sick and though I tried my hardest to fight through it I had to go back in. The next few weeks were filled with driving and dress fittings and shoe shopping and for my mom and Naomi so so much else. I threw her a bachelorette party and it was tons of fun but I over did myself and ended up in the hospital yet again for my "unknown illness." Finally the wedding was upon us! My older sister flew in from California to be maid of honor and brought her family. So I got to see my nieces and nephew and that was Amazing. As was the wedding. I'm sure Naomi will go into detail so I wont. But it was wonderful and beautiful and HOT! I was definitely sweating in places ladies shouldn't. I got to see a lot of old friends and watching Naomi exchange vows was so moving! The cake was delicious too. All in all quite the success. And I got through it without getting sick!
Now here we are in June and I'm feeling blue. Blue blue. I miss Naomi. She and Jesse are happily living in their new home in Alabama and I feel like I've lost my best friend. Its really hard some times. Like when I randomly want to go to lunch or the movies! I have recently made some new friends who all ready mean a lot to me and I feel so blessed to have met them. We are going through some tough times financially so I really can't do much of anything. But I do what I do and get by with it. I found a Church I like and am trying to go when I feel able.
Ryan and I.... Well were still us. I wont lie were struggling. But I'm not ready to give up on us or my dreams. I am ready to have kids. I've always wanted to be a young mother. And he has always known that. I am tired of feeling held back. But I love him and I know with out a doubt that he loves me. Maybe we are just in different places in our lives? Whatever is wrong I have faith that we'll make it through this hard time. Sometimes.....


I’m so mad we took our little break from blogging, now everyone is so behind and some of the BEST things ever, went unwritten. Oh well, I can try to remember a few things and pull a little “catch up” blog together ;)

Well, Jesse completed his training and I went down for his graduation! He came home for a few weeks after he graduated to move more of his things down to Alabama and say his final goodbyes, he asked me to marry him, then he left again and it was so sadL …..wait what! Yes that’s right, we got engaged!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It was one of the best moments of my life, even though I was crying uncontrollably, it was for a good cause.
Jesse was writing a journal almost everyday while he gone at his training, when I went down for his graduation he told me I could read the journal! He gave me the book and I began reading, I only got about 2 sentences down when the book was ripped out of my hands and Jesse tore a page out of the middle of the book and handed it back to me. Of course, now, the only page I wanted to read was the one that was no longer in the book. I bugged him about it for weeks but he refused to let me even take a peak at it.
A few weeks later we drove back to Michigan, I had mostly forgot about the letter, although it was still somewhere in the back of my mind. On one of his final nights in Michigan, his parents had family and friends over to celebrate their sons great achievements. It was a fun day, we talked, laughed, ate an had a good time. The party died down and Jesse and I took a little trip to visit and friend of his, after being there for a very short time we needed to head back to town, where I was supposed to meet my sister and some friends for a movie. Out of nowhere the letter popped into my head and I asked if I could read it now, I was SHOCKED by his answer “Yes” I started to get very excited! He told me to wait until we park the car somewhere first, then I can read it. He drove back to the park near his parents house and parked by the fence, it was raining so we sat in the car. He handed me the letter and I began to read. It went a little something like this…..I love Naomi with all my heart, I want her and only her for the rest of my life…basically just professing his undying love for me J when I was finished I had tears rolling down my face, and I look up to find that he had the same thing! I was confused why he was crying…..until he took my left hand and slid on a diamond ring, “I love you, I want to be with you forever, will you marry me”.
We got married May 29th, 2010 and have been living in our gorgeous new home in Alabama for 10 days now. The wedding planning was the worst 2 months of my life, Jesse was still in Alabama and I was pretty much on my own. Yes my wonderful motherS helped out a lot, but a never had someone with me when I needed it the most. About half-way through the engagement I started to realize that this was it, I was going to get married, move away and hardly ever see my friends and family again. As bad as I wanted to hang out with all of them and just spend time with them as much as possible, the chaotic stress and busy schedule kept me from doing so. A few days before the wedding, Rachel, Ryan and the kids flew in from California. It was such a stress reliever to see and play with her kids, so cute, I love them, and honestly…they are the only reason that I ever even consider having kids of my own. Weird, I’m allowed to do that now!
Thursday night, Rachel, Annie, Amy and I went over to Jesse’s “Michigan house” for a final girls night/bachellorette party. It was just the four of us, wedding cake shots, and ice cream cake, but I was honestly one of the best nights I have had in a long time and I don’t plan on forgetting it anytime soon. It was so great to just get away from everything and spend time with my close friends. It was “sorta” the best night ever! The next day/night was setting everything up, making last minute touches and rehearsal dinner, it all went….well… im glad its over J The wedding was a blast, getting ready was so fun, of course and the ceremony was beautiful. I kind of ran down the isle I was told. But I was just excited to finally be married I suppose.
Now here I am, sitting in my king sized bed waiting for the husband to get home. These last three months have been a blur, good parts and bad parts, but I am so happy at where my life is at right now and I wouldn’t change it for the world.