Hey Christmas-Holla back!

We got the Swine Flu! Or the H1N1 I guess.... It sucks, but we got a pretty mild case. Amelia and Ezra were both pretty sick, throwing up, fevers, sore throats and coughing. Poor little babies. Ryan and I both have sore throats and slight head colds but none of the rest of the symptoms the little ones got. We all pretty much seem to be on the mend now. It wasn't worse then any other flu Ive ever had though. I did set a new record for how many times in one day I got puked on, it used to be 2, now it is 5. Awesome, go me. Ezra lost his voice for a couple days which was refreshing. Poor little boyly :)
That pretty much took up most of my entire week, but I did manage to sneak out and get some little things for the kids stockings so they can at least have something on Christmas morning.
I also got some biscuit dough so I can fry them and make donuts for them. It should be fun.
Ryan will get home early so we will just have family time and be thankful for what we DO have instead of stressing about what we dont. We have plenty more Christmas's to make up for it.
So this has been a pretty boring week. There are tons of good movies on over the Holidays though. I watched How to lose a guy in 10 days, The Holiday, Mean Girls, and You've Got Mail! Its amazing. Reminds me I need to start collecting dvd's.
I tried to take a christmasy picture of the kids under their stockings but it was a total mess. I dont know how people manage to get their kids pictures done. I remember trying to take Amelia when she was 1 for pictures and she would NOT stand and let them take even one picture! She may let them now, but I doubt Ezra would. I should get some of Ivy though since she hasn't had her pictures taken yet and shes 3 months old already :) hhmmm yeah.
Anyway my stomach is going to eat me alive if I dont feed it something. Boring week=boring blog. Til next week!
Be Safe.

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So last week was my turn to not write. I've had the craziest busiest two weeks in awhile. My little brother Andrew is in jail, at least until January 14. This was unexpected and very unfair. It breaks my heart when I think of my dear baby brother in such a terrible place. I went to see him on visiting day and it was SO hard! He was close to tears the whole time and it was all I could do to keep from bawling. I'm writing him letter's too and the first letter I got from him made me cry so much. I put as much money in his account every week that I can. I wish I could do more- I miss him so much. I remember when he was born we lived in a trailor and the midwife had to open the door and sit on the steps to catch him. So that's how we know were rednecks. Another hard thing that has happened was my mom's surgery. It was so hard to see her in the hospital but I was so happy to repay the favor for all the time's she spent by my hospital bed. The first few days after she got home were really hard too. My dad of course was not much help. She is doing slightly better now but still just lays around mostly. And if you knew my mom you'd know that means she's still in a lot of pain:( I do all I can for her but never feel like it's enough. I am now working two job's and am freaking exhausted! My sleep schedule is so messed up and my body is not used to all this physical labor after being sick for so long. Not to mention having one car 2 people and 3 jobs get's pretty hard sometimes. I dont get as much time with Ryan as I used to and that's sad. I love him more than I ever thought I could. It's amazing how even after three years every kiss still give's me butterflies. How the touch of his hand gives me goose bumps. How His compliments still make me blush. He's so good to me and has taken such good care of me through out my illness. I probably spent way to much on him for Christmas considering how hard up we are. But I want to make up for spending last Christmas in the hospital. I LOVE Christmas and have almost all my shopping done. Ryan and I are going to my families on Christmas eve and then Ryans family and son are coming to our house Christmas day. I am so so so excited. I know this is not very long but I'm busy and tired and hungry so next week it is:)

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Due to facebook status updates, I think that everyone in the world now knows that my mom had surgery . Well yes, she did and she is recovering very well, but while she was down and unable to walk around or sit anywhere I was in charge of....well everything! It was...an experience, an awful awful experience. I woke up at the buttcrack of dawn, got the kids ready for school, made lunch, took them to school, came home for 2 hours then took another kid to school, stayed in town and shopped for 2 hours pretty much everyday then picked them up from school and took them home, made dinner, cleaned house, did laundry and did the same thing the next day!!! ahhhh it was so bad. So now that i had to go through that, i have added many more reasons to my "reasons not to have kids" list.
So other than cooking, cleaning and taking care of kids, last week was pretty uneventful. I still got to see Jesse every night for at least a little bit. I am SO glad he got this extention or else he would be leaving in 2 days!!! ahhh im so happy.
I cant believe its almsot chirstmas, it blows my mind like...alot. its insane how fast time goes by these days. Anyways, I think im getting sick, my throat hurts and I want to throw up everytime I eat...but I keep eating anyways cuz im fat and bored.
Oh yeah im really excited, tomorrow morning I am going to my Best Friend Casey's (the one having twins) ultrasound with her! She is due end of January..I cant believe it! I remember buying her the test and running into the bathroom to see the results...and now they are almost here!!!!! wow...crazy.
mmk well enough for now, HOLLLLA......oh wait Im Naomi,
BYE!

Oh come all ye faithful

Wow this week has been just nuts.
Everything went from being really normal and nothing new to all of a sudden being crashed into with events. Sadly none of them are very good events.
My mom had surgery, which is a good thing but still a bad thing. She is left at home with no one but Naomi and Leah to take turns caring for her and I feel horrible that it could not have been planned out more so I could come and take part in the daughterly duties. Im sure she will be fine and be up and around again in no time, my mom is a strong women. But because shes a strong women we dont get many chances to take care of her.
Also my little brother is in Jail. I am so broken by this. He made a stupid mistake and now is being punished beyond his crimes as far as Im concerned. I cry for him every time I think about him being in there. I just remember him as this little fat baby drooling all over everyone. I cut his umbilical cord when he was born. It breaks my heart into so many pieces. My poor mother is distraught about this of course, as Im sure I would be too. He will be in there over Christmas, New Years, and our baby brothers 7th birthday. I am planning a trip out there in January and I so hope he will be home safe and sound for my visit.

Speaking of Christmas, I made so much junk food this week! I made chocolate rice krispie treats, puppy chow, sugar cookies, and two kinds of cake balls! Everything is so delicious but by the end of the day I feel so sick I swear Im not going to eat any of it the next day. That lasts long :)
I would love to do more really deep hard core baking but contrary to popular belief, I just dont have the time to be in the kitchen concentrating for that long uninterrupted. Sometimes its like I will be watching the kids and I will turn around and get a cup and turn back around and they have gotten into something. They are just so crazy and fast!
I have had a couple melt downs myself this week but I have been doing so much better it seems. I admit, I stamped my foot today I was so mad. I was instantly reminded of the part in Eclipse when Bella stomps her foot and Jacob says "Did you seriously just stamp your foot? I thought girls only did that on tv" and I probably would have laughed if my foot didn't hurt so bad. They are just so much those little children. They wear me out and make me so tired...but they're so darn cute I really can only be angry at them for a second no matter what they do.

I went out alot this week. Which is very unusual for me! I went to Target to get christmas decorations on like Tuesday I think, and then the next day Ryan said he didn't like them so I took them back and got different ones.....which we again decided we didn't like so we decided not to decorate the outside of the house this year. To much work. So I took stuff back again! I think I have been in Target almost every day this week for something or other. I really dont mind though, I like getting out of the house, however short the trip may be. It really helps me clear my head and come back with fresh eyes and a new mind. Anyway, thats all from me for now. Til next week-

Be Safe.
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First off, I’m sorry about my absents last week, I was “in the depths of despair”. haha actually that wasn’t the case at all, I was busy, but busy in a good way. I was being loved and spoiled to death by the man of my dreams, shopping trips, dinners, movies, presents, surprises and more! I didn’t want to miss out on a single second of any of it, so I didn’t. I have never felt more important, and cherished by someone than I do now. I cant even begin to describe how happy I am with Jesse. We have so much fun together, it doesn’t matter if we are doing everything or nothing at all, I love it.
I also did a lot of Christmas shopping last week, Thursday with Leah, Saturday with Annie and Monday with Jesse. Good thing I love shopping or I might be sick of it by now, but…IM NOT
This week has definitely been ALL about Jesse, we spend every second possible together. Sometimes I feel like he’s gonna get sick of me and want some time alone, but as soon as I feel myself feeling that way, my phone rings and I hear his cheery voice questioning me “what do you want to do today” or “what should we do today”, I know I sound mushy and annoying, but I just LOVE him so much its amazing.
I am getting a little nervous, almost scared about him leaving. I know that everything will work out fine and we will be together again soon, but I don’t want to lose any of the love I have for him right now, I don’t want to forget the things we have done together or forget how much he means to me. Hopefully him leaving will only make me love him more and want to be with him more. Wow he is all I never talk about, I'm annoying, but I cant help it sometimes……It blows my mind that in just 11 days, he will be gone.
Because Jesse is leaving the day before Christmas, his family is having a little Christmas party for him this Sunday, it should be fun, a little depressing, but of course I have to put on a smile and be as happy as possible. I am trying to get it worked out so I will be able to visit Rachel in California after Christmas, I think it will be good for me, and good for her too. I am a good babysitter and I haven’t seen those children in a long time! The only way I can get Amelia to talk on the phone to me is by pretending I'm “aunty little bear” haha she cracks me up.
Well hmm other than that…its snowing, freezing and I'm hungry. Oh yes and Iv decided to start my own recipe book! (thanks Rachel)

Ghost of Christmas's past

The Holidays can be one of two things, the most exciting fun and love filled times, or the saddest most depressing lonely times. Somehow, Im caught in the middle. I love my children and my husband to much to be really sad or depressed. But the fact that we wont be celebrating Christmas like every other normal family in the world breaks my heart. I know my kids might not remember it, but I will. Everyone says that about things like this. Isn't it my job to create these moments for them to make memorys of? If there aren't any special or magic moments of course they wont remember it. I hate that both of our familys are so far from us. I hate that my kids cant have fun traditions that they do at each of their grandparents house. But I am determined to make Christmas special somehow. Ryan works Christmas day so that makes it hard, I dont want to leave him out. I feel like I haven't had a Christmas in 5+years and Im sick of it. I want to be filled with that happy excitment. I want to feel Christmas like a child!


This whole week has been trying its hardest to get me down, but surprisingly I have been in an extremely good mood. And as dumb as this may sound to some, Facebook is a huge factor. I love being able to see what my family is up to all the time. And I love being able to talk to friends I haven't seen in years without having to make awkward phone calls. It somehow contents that part of me that was missing, social and personal interraction with people over the age of 2 1/2! Amazingly, when Im in a better mood, Ryan is in a better mood. :)


We finally bought a dining table which I am ecstatic about, I never want to eat at a tv tray again. We have been using them since we first got married and they're the biggest annoyance.


It feels so good buying things for our house! I want to start painting so bad but I know I would end up getting frustrated having to stop in the middle all the time.


Anyway, it was finally cold enough for me to have an excuse to make soup! I was so excited cause I adore soup and stew and chowder, so I bought some sour dough bread rounds and we had potatoe soup in bread bowls and honey mustard chicken. It was fantastic if I do say so myself. Did it matter that it was only 69 degrees? No...anything under 70 is undeniable soup weather. Well I suppose Im done rambling on about everything except for my week :) But those are the things that I want to get out. So, my kids are adorable, and usually dirty. But I love them and enjoy every day I get with them. They do drive me nuts, but I would rather be crazy with them then sane without them. I love Ryan, hes a better man then I ever deserved and a awesome daddy to our babys. I am so richly blessed and I dont want anyone to think I ever take that for granted. I guess I feel like I have been complaining alot lately, but everyone has ups and downs, and right now Im up!



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Mostly I spent this week in bed. Sad I know. My mood seems to switch every week. And when I'm feeling depressed it's hard to get out of bed in the morning. Hard not to fall asleep sitting on the couch. Hard to have any desire to clean my house. To do anything. For some reason I am feeling very insecure about myself these days. I'm told all around I shouldn't I honestly don't feel like I should be either. I'm thinner than Ive ever been. My hair is longer than its ever been. My skin is finally clear. But I find myself obsessing over every wrong thing about myself I can find. Don't worry I wont go into detail. But I'm tired of it taking me an hour to try on everything I own because I don't think I look good in anything. Its on my mind so much of the time. I know its wrong to obsess over how I look so much. I just want to feel good about myself. Ryan sure seems happy with me if you know what I mean but sometimes its hard for me to be comfortable even with him I'm so self concious. I worked a couple nights this week. I hate that bar with all my heart and love my job like no other. Its not really a job. Just a place I go to serve drinks and get paid. Always dramatic. Always disgusting. Definitely never thought I'd see a grown man drunk enough to crap his pants. The thing I hate the most is the pregnant women smoking. Why are they blessed with a child they choose to harm?! It seems like Ryan was at work ALL day every day this week. Usually he gets a 3 hour break and having hime gone so much made me so depressed! I cannot be alone that often and be okay. I think to much and focus on the bad. I wish so much I could control my emotions better. Alot happened with my family this week. My wonderful brother Daniel pretty much got jumped by 5 other guys and they did him pretty good. He fought like a man and ended up getting his collarbone broke. That hurts me so much! I have had mine broke and just wish I could do something to help him. A close friend of the family's, who was very young took his own life this week. Leading one of my other younger brothers to rash actions that landed him in jail. It was scary and stressful for everyone, my mother especially. The highlights of my week were Friday, when Naomi and I went Christmas shopping and I mostly bought her things. We ate delicious chinese food and had a great time till Kmart denied my sears credit card. Boo Kmart. But it was fun. And Sunday I got to relax and spend the whole day with Ryan. It was wonderful. So ends my week.



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Naomi didn't blog this week cause she is in the depths of despair.

Thanksgiving

I am finally getting around to LAST weeks blog. We spent all week up north visiting Ryan's family so its not like I don't have a good excuse. But still...geesh.
So..
The Holiday went pretty well. Its not really a huge change for me cause I still just sit in the house with the baby while everyone else goes and plays or whatever. But at least I'm not alone. Ezra was so clingy the whole time and if neither Ryan or I was holding him he was screaming and crying. So that was fun.
Ivy was incredibly good and cried maybe one time the entire week. And Amelia of course had a blast with everyone. It was nice to be in cold weather for a little while, but man when we started driving home and hit that 70 degree mark it was awesome. I love where we live!
Anyway, back to the Holiday. So Thanksgiving is always kinda hard for me cause its my favorite holiday and I hate not seeing my family. I wish I could be there to help my mom cook, since I know the other two girls aren't really reliable in that department. I actually don't know if Leah can cook, but I do know shes really good at dropping things and misreading recipes. Not a good combination. I'm hoping maybe next year we can spend Thanksgiving in Michigan. We'll see I suppose. So I really didn't eat to much, I hate stuffing myself so I somehow learned to eat just enough and it feels so good! Then we had a boggle match, of which I won. Of course. All my practice of playing it by myself must have paid off. Then everyone just kinda sat around and talked. The next day my sister in law, Carli, informed me she had never had a S'more!! I was so appalled that we drove to the store and bought S'more stuff. It was my one and only trip out of the house all vacation. While we were out Ryan called and told me to buy ping pong balls. So after walking up and down all the isle's we finally asked a kid who worked there. He led the way handed us the balls and then proclaimed "Beer Pong is ON!!" we just kinda looked at him like he was an idiot, then turned and walked away. So we went home and made S'mores in the fireplace and it was amazing. I haven't had a s'more in so long.
Saturday we had to go pick up the rental car from the Sacramento Airport and to kill time we walked around the Woodland Mall which is an outdoor mall. I love outdoor malls. I bought two pairs of jeans so I could stop washing the one pair that fit me everyday. I was so happy when I got on the scale after we got home and saw I didn't gain any weight on vacation. I really think this no soda thing is a huge factor.
One exciting thing is in the works. Both Ryan and I have tickets that expire in February, but we don't have the time or the money to take a trip anywhere...soooo I might be going to Michigan with just my baby Ivy for a little trip. I want to so bad but at the same time I really really miss my kids when there gone for more then an hour or two. I would worry about Ryan too. But I'm still excited and I think they would have fun without me, even though Ryan insists it would be terrible. Were still trying to figure it all out so no promises yet. Anyway, I suppose that's all I have for last week. It was pretty long and boring, and as happy as I am that we went and got to see everyone, I'm happy to be home.
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Well my week started off a little bad. I'm having a really hard time with the loss of my kittens:( And some stupid girl tried to lay claim to my man. Don't worry that will get taken care of.I got to babysit for my friend Kat again. Her baby boy is bringing new joy to my life every week. And of course this week was Thanksgiving! Ryan went to my parents house and it was wonderful spending time with my siblings and dear Mother. My Dad even got out of bed for awhile! The food was of course wonderful and I ate as much as I could and brought my own Tupperware so I wouldn't have to cook for Ry the next day. Speaking of the next day. Only one of the best days of the year. I did not go to bed Thursday night but stayed up with my baby till about 3am when I left to stand in line at Kohl's for their huge sale. Of course Michigan decided to hold the snow off this year until I had to stand out in it freezing my ass off. But it was worth it. I am so so excited about Christmas this year. I got quite allot of my Christmas shopping done and am very happy the results. I do wish I had more sisters. Its so much more fun shopping for girls... But anyways, I got home from my shopping expedition at around 9 and then slept till 3pm to make up for it. Then I got to wake up and spend some good quality time with my Man. And I know I'm a week behind the times but I finally got to see New Moon! My friends Heather and Katrena came and took me out and it was one of the best movies ever. But the long girl talk we all had in my living room after we got home was almost better. I don't get enough girl time and that's a fact. I'm gonna work on that in the future. I loved the time I got to spend with those dear women but it made me realize all the more how badly I want a family of my own. Hearing them talk about their children gave me a longing ache inside. It didn't hurt as bad as it used to. But Oh I want a baby. I will be so much happier when the Mother inside of me is allowed to come out! Jake calls me "Mama Leela" and hearing mama in any form warms my heart. But I know he just calls me that because Ryan calls me Mama. Jake and are more of good buddies:) Which is fine, I just cant wait to have his little brother or sister. Buying Jake presents was lots of fun knowing I'm going to be playing with them as much as he is. I just wish I could get more for people. I'd love to buy Jake's mother something nice. And my Grandparent's for the times they have me out financially in the past two years. I got my own Mother nice things though! Oh I cant wait for Christmas. I'm decorating the house tomorrow and I smile just thinking about it. I'm finally getting help from the state but its not enough to talk about. Shh, I'm working part time under the table at a bar. Not my favorite place but sometimes I have fun and its nice to get out and really nice to pay bills. I have been in such a spectacular mood the last few days and I'm not sure what I owe to but sure am thankful. Maybe these damn medications have finally worked together to make me well. I cant believe I haven't been to the hospital in 2 1/2 months. Its a new record! I know my life isn't as interesting when its less dramatic but oh does it feel good to be happy. I am thankful. Thankful for God my heavenly father. For my parents, For my siblings, Joey, Rachel, Daniel, Naomi, Andrew, Seth, Levi, Mark, Esther, and Micah. For Ryan who is the best thing that ever happened to me. For Ryan's family who accepted me as one of their own without a second thought. For my wonderful house. Great friends. And pain in the ass Cats, Chronic, Raina, Douja, and Pookie:) Thank you Lord for what you have given me.

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Oh Holiday breaks, I adore you! I had two days of school this week, Monday went by quickly before I even realized it was Tuesday and my last day for the week. After school on Tuesday I got all “dressed up” and went out for some quality bonding time with Steve, Jesses dad. He took me hunting! For the very first time ever…I never really had the desire to go but he kept talking about it and it caught my interest and I figured my life is pretty boring so why not try something new. We went out for about 2 ½ hours and we sat there...and sat there…and yeah finally decided to call it a night. We didn’t see anything…not even a bird or a bug…it was silent and still in the cold, windy woods.
Wednesday I cleaned the house, then went home and helped my mom get motivated to clean her house…it didn’t work so well we were both so blah we didn’t feel like doing anything,
Thursday was Thanksgiving of course. At around 1 or 1:30 Jesse and I headed over to my moms house for thanksgiving with my family. We stayed about 2 1/2 hours, enough time to eat a little bit, talk a while and say our goodbyes. Next we headed over to his family’s for thanksgiving….there was…A TON of people. The house isn’t very big so it was quite the adventure. We brought dusty ( the kitten) and Jesses mom kept referring to him as her grand baby haha It made everyone laugh. It was a really fun day, we ate a lot and got to spend time with some really nice people. The worst part, when we went to see New Moon, we made a little deal. He told me that if he took me to see it, then I have to go see this movie Ninja Assassin with him. I agreed, thinking he would forget or I would get out of it somehow…but I didn’t. and it was the worst movie I have ever seen……truly. But oh well, a deal is a deal.
Friday we went out for some shooting practice before hunting again Friday afternoon. Again, we sat there for a few hours and saw nothing. Jesse came with us this time so it kind of made things a little more interesting. I got so cold super fast, so we headed back to the car early. I felt bad, but when I cant feel my toes or nose I don’t really care anymore.
Well Saturday…hmmm Oh yes, we “took that day”. haha it’s a new saying that Jesse is in love with. It means to just lay around ALL day and do nothing. And we did it very well. It was actually a lot of fun :) at around 6 we decided we better get up for at least a few hours. We went down the road and visited some of Jesses close friends. We were only there for maybe two hours, then back home to watch a movie and call it a night.
Sunday is church of course :) I love going to church but hate it at the same time. It always makes me so emotional. All these people coming up to him asking him about his training and all that stuff. Then giving me these awful looks of sympathy and telling me they better still see me around while he’s gone. They used to ask me if I was going with him, but that ended after about four weeks and a lot of aggravation. Now all I get is “aww you poor thing“, and “oh honey I’m sorry“….yeah well really, I would rather just ignore it and not have people talk to me and sympathize for me. So after church I pretty much fell apart. I could not control myself no matter how hard I tried. I hate crying around Jesse. It makes me feel weak or something, like I cant handle what’s about to happen. But I can handle it, I know I can. He didn’t mind though, he just held me and let me cry, tried to feed me chocolate and turned on all my favorite shows. I would stop every now and then for a while and be totally fine, then he would say or do something and send me straight back into my overwhelming emotional state. I love him so much, his words of comfort for me were “oh don’t worry, its just part of your cycle” haha that one made me laugh, he also said I was having an “off” day because it was cold and rainy outside, which is partly true. Well that’s pretty much it for the most part. Everything went really well this week. I had a lot of fun, and a lot of re-assurance that everything is gong to be fine.