Slug bug

I'm sick.

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Just gonna stand there and watch me burn, that's alright because I like the way it hurts. Just gonna stand there and hear me cry, that's alright because I love the way you lie."

That's just a line from a new Eminem song. But every time I hear it I relate a little better.
But we'll get to that later. Mostly... Just the same shit, different day. Everything blurs together and I usually don't even know what day of the week it is unless I look at the calender. I went grocery shopping on Thursday... I think. That was fun. Saturday I worked a backlot beach party. Yeah a beach party in the back parking lot of the bar. There was a 40 foot water slide, dunk tank, volley ball, live bands and lots to drink. I worked 15 hours but it really wasn't that bad because I drank the whole time:) I didn't make half as much as I would have liked but it was a fun long day.
As for my home life. We fight. And we make up. And we fight again. And make up again. It's getting very, very old. This weeks two day fight came closer to ending us than anything ever has. We love each other to much to walk away. Even though we aren't exactly making each other happy. I'm giving it one more month. And I may have said that before. But I want some changes. So does he. And neither of us want to waste anymore time if all were doing is well, wasting time. I can't handle to much more. And that's for damn sure. One more fight like this last one and I will walk away. I don't want the last 4 years to be a waste. But if I'm not going to get what I want then I DEFINITELY don't want to drag it on any longer. So we shall see what happens. I'm going to do my part to the fullest. I can only pray he does his.

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What a week! A long, long, long, week! Still with out a car I try to keep myself occupied at home. I finally got a hula-hoop, so I have something to do outside instead of just stand there and let the sprinklers cool me down. I've been keeping the house perfectly clean and making sure the laundry is always done! Jesse loves it of course, his friends come over and he brags about it ha ha, it makes me feel appreciated.

Jesse is now in the middle of his training so we don’t get to spend much time together during the week, he’s gone during the day, studying in the evening and usually in bed by 8 or 9. By the time the weekend comes around we are both SO happy. We had such a good weekend too, we went to the drive-in to the see “Inception”, it was confusing…I’m sure it was a lot more confusing for Jesse due to the fact that he fell asleep mid-movie ha ha! He has been working so hard and doing so good, he only gets about 5-6 hours of sleep every night, and he’s on the go all day everyday, so a little nap during a movie is perfectly acceptable.
I’m getting really good with cooking breakfast foods, seriously, I am a pancake expert! I also made a cake this week which I am very proud of! It was of course from a box because I don’t do the whole “home made” crap yet. It was chocolate devils food cake, but I was feeling creative so I added in a few table spoons of Peanut Butter and some caramel coffee creamer, I had white frosting but I separated it and made ¾ of it into chocolate frosting and used the remaining frosting to decorate my cake with! It was glorious, and delicious too!
Iv still been trying to decide about school! I know Im going for sure, but I still don’t know why! I hate not knowing, I like to have a plan and follow it, without a plan I am lost, and so confused! I guess I should just stay calm and go with the flow, its gotten me this far and I LOVE my life, so I guess I really have nothing to worry about.
Oh yeah! We went to a moving sale on Saturday and got everything we could possibly need for a weekend at the beach! Now all we have to do is go! I cant wait, I think were going either this weekend or next, I love the beach =)
Jesse’s birthday is coming up and I am still seriously clueless on what to do and what to get him and everything! So really…please help me. Im thinking we should just go out because Im to scared to try and make something different because I usually fail at my first time cooking attempts. Im usually good at this stuff, but for some reason nothing to coming to mind. Am I running out of good ideas?….what’s happening to me! Maybe its just a phase...I hope!
We went to a briefing on Wednesday that just explained everything that’s going to happen while we are here and gave us a time line for all the phases of training and such. We also got a list of all the possible stations we could be headed to next! They told us to sit down and choose our top 3 for each aircraft, because Jesse doesn’t know which helicopter he is going to fly we have to keep out options opened, there are different stations for each helicopter. There are 3 different helicopters so that gives us 9 choices of places to go! Its tuff! But fun at the same time.
Sometimes this whole being married thing really hits me and I realize that we are going to be together forever, and do everything together, go everywhere together, it’s a really cool feeling and it makes me so excited to see what the future holds for us.